it says it all in a way.

happy new years bubelah.

i found this on a blog i read,

http://www.myloveforyou.typepad.com/

it's by the good machinery, dessa.

im going home today.
i am going to recuperate and find things.
and when i come back,
i am going to be better.

it looks like i have to get through this alone.

alone.

(either it's inappropriate or
they're going to wait
until they see me.)

that is bullshit.

im not going to write what i really want to write,

because...



..that would rip my heart out.

i cried

and cried and cried last nite.
i cried because, when im quiet, when im still,
i get scared.

...because, thats when my thoughts run in,
they run in at break-neck-speed.

and sometimes,

there's things im scared to say.

like:

"i miss you,
i wish you were here,
i wish this didnt have to be so shit."

i want to let go.
this is me letting go.
this is me,
without you.

i cried into my sleep last nite.

i suddenly remembered the name i used to call you.

i'm guessing that's what started it.

i feel better today.

im gonna go..

we are naughty.

you said it was time for us to be serious about this.

mixed tape for you:

i'm starting to get lonely.

only because my body doesn't recognize that you're no longer there.



not yet anyway.