i think the weather is making everyone sad today.
i feel greyer than these clouds.
everyone is just flat.
that and edinburgh haspost-festival blues.
i had a nitemare last nite. it's been a long time since ive had that particular one.
and i think that this is my subconcious telling me to take my self away from all this stuff going on.
i just wish that i could stop my thoughts, stop the horrible bile creeping up my throat when ever i think about things.
i wish that somewhere in the future i can hopefully find somefriends that i can trust, and that arent just two-sided.
and that one day i can finally stop having nitemares about you.
because god knows, they tear me to shreds.
they make me shake and feel that the emotional fortress ive worked on can colapse in a second, and the nitemare can come in.

it's such a difficult place. this limbo.
i want to stay and i want to go. im scared of home and im scared of being alone.
i want to forget everything just for one day.
i want my sad heart to feel safe.

i wish i was here today...
remote, remote, remote.
wouldnt that be nice?

some are of portebello beach,
some are of pre-club noir,
some are of my flat mate's club noir foto's,
and some are of my flat mate...

i saw an image of some cherry blossoms somewhere on some blog and it kinda made me re-think the wee flowers.
ive never really been the biggest fan of them, but in light of that foto, and that my wonderful emmy-poos is heading to japan real soon, i decided to try and use my magical powers with google image search to try and make myself fall in love with them, and this is what i found.
i wouldnt say i love them, but they're pretty special. i really like the second one, the one of mount fuji, is so amazing.
so, to my beloved emmy-poos,
enjoy japan!
(make sure you take all the fotos in the world so you can email them to me!)

i was told i was a private person last nite.
i always thought everything i thought and felt was written all over my face.
i guess not.

(i know i keep re-using my old fotos from old posts but my new cable is so crap.)

at the time, when these fotos were taken, things were (at least i think) a big sign about the hard months to come.
and i didnt pay any attention even though she did.
i had one of them epiphany's last nite, not that i kinda didnt have thoughts like it before.
and though im not entirely sure i want to put this in here, i do know i want a hard-copy-kinda version of it.
i realised that my pride is bigger than i thought and that i was actually being very cruel.
i think that i only had one chance in the universe to repair it with her.
im so glad that we stayed and talked it over.
i dont think that either of us has as heavy boots anymore,
we're starting to sew little new seeds into each other's birdseed shirts.

i got my new fone cable today...
them daily polaroids soon...

so like had the best afternoon....
all my crushes walked past the window at work
all in the space of 10 minutes.....
and my fave one came back from holiday...
made me blush like a virgin!

last nite, at work, it dawned on me, i dont ever want to be a waitress.
it sucks bum. i think that when i get home to lovely melbourne,
im gonna save my arse off working as a dish pig. maybe.
ideally i would love to be one of those awesome baristas but hey,
in reality my coffee is acceptable.

but yeah, lovely melbourne, so so...
fashionable.
( i know these fotos are from one of my begining posts but hey, im recycling)
and mr. bone.
i am very happy that you have somehow gained the power within
and remembered how to email and reply.
makes me full of happiness stuff.

on another very different note,
something very, ah,
interesting happened the other nite..
not that im going to mention it here....
but it's given me some nice new thoughts in my brain.

rite homo home now...

kate moross

check it, it's hot.

so it's harry potter mania soon....
i can start to feel the tingling...

so thi photo is from an artist called lieko shiga. they're pretty cool.

everything is solidified.
and i am more aware of things i want now,
and of others.
ive realised that it's about a certain something and that that's ok.
i guess everyone gets to this point and most likely feels this way.
so i guess what im trying to say is,
that things are good,
and i know this is weird and cryptic.
but you're not really meant to get it anyway.

this is a beach at nite.
i think i love it.
i want to be there rite now...

ive felt like this guy for the last week or two now.
and it's really upsetting me.
makes me get puffy eyes in the morning
so that when i walk to work everyone looks at me
like im stoned.
all i want is that he leaves and i can get a good nite's sleep.
i mean i like monster's and all,
but this one is pretty ugly.

one thing i really hate more and more is my face.
i can never disguise the emotion im feeling,
my face just lights up a great big neon sign
blarring what it is.
and more and more i feel like i am being pulled away from everything.
not in an emo way,
but in a "im going to run away and start again with no past allowed in."
there's just been so many hurts and mistakes and
shitty shitty bits that i just want to remove from my head and my heart.
my only concern is that i mite be a repeat offender,
or that i mite just fall off the face of my future and never return to home.