today is the begining.

from here on in, here i go.

maybe i have the swine flu?

maybe i just havent had enough sleep?

maybe im grumpy and cant handle rude people.

maybe im missing hearts and struggling with a face-to-face life empty of them.

maybe im just being a poohead and need to get my shit sorted.

i wish i knew what to do.

im rich and listless.

not even $150 shoes can make me see the bright side of today.

did you realise that we never

talked about what we were

meant to?

i have fallen in love with a musical gift.

i was praised for being good at something,

im even getting a lapel pin to go with it.

my feelings have changed.

i dont think i like you anymore.

but i miss you, all the way up there.

come down here awhile, it'll do you good.

i really wanted to make this a good post,

but i can only manage dot-point things.

ladyface..........

im still.

im acting brave.

im confused that this has started again so soon.

i think that the best thing to do is pretend it's not there,

that way it can sit at the back and grow bigger and bigger,

and turn into the problem it was always meant to be.

though,

i think problem is the wrong word.

but im too scared to use the word i really want to use.

lets leave it at this,

at least ive only half-way dug my grave.

see what i mean?

woah. woah. woah.

what have you done?

what do i do now?!

oh god.

here we go......

so like yesterday was totes the bomb yo.

bring on space club!

i love my new vans with the galaxies on the sides.

i love having this thursday off.

i lcve that im making stella coffee n shit.

i love telepathe and dizzee rascal.

and i love that my fone camera finds these colours.

what an ace day yo.

today was like every other day.

i got up, i blundered around, i made lots of coffees for strangers, i thought about things

and i day dreamed as much as humanly possible.

but then it kinda wasnt. it went a little weird around 1pm.

it started, you started.

you flooded my day dreams.

no you keep flooding my day dreams.

you're drowning me and i dont even know you.

i will never know you.

and that's not fair.

it's what eats me up.

self-created acid.

one day, i hope to leave this head of mine,

even just for a walk around a boring calm garden (like the ones at hospitals),

just to know what it feels like to be detatched from my overly imaginative feelings.

just for an hour or two.

thats all.

but back to me drowning in you.

you.

(sometimes i feel like i over use that word.

but it's like a magnet;

its the north pole and i am it's south.)

but the you i am swimming in.

swimming like i have no cares,

you take my mind away,

but yet you bomb it right back reality.

and this is where the tough part starts.

i dont know you,

how could i ever know you when you

live in the biggest city of all.

i think ive given too much away.

(but for what? the fear that someone mite think im a weirdo?)

all i know is that i wont be able to help myself in my day dreams.

you'll waltz in and i'll go limp.

the end.

that's me, done.

be nice and let me know you know me.

for real.

my obsession with the big roofless sky

is creeping up on me again.
i wonder why?

h.o.t.

saturday morning.
coffee with a hottie
and a trip to the stupermarket.

on the way home,
i decided that i wouldnt change
anything,
not for the world.

ow.

i missed your call.

it made me

miss you harder.

every time i walk past this house in my street,

i look up because this black mass in the tree

grabs my eyes and pulls them towards it.

im always fooled into thinking it's a family of fruit bats.

but its a plastic bag.

(but i prefer to think that it's the bats...)