i think the weather is making everyone sad today.
i feel greyer than these clouds.
everyone is just flat.
that and edinburgh haspost-festival blues.
i had a nitemare last nite. it's been a long time since ive had that particular one.
and i think that this is my subconcious telling me to take my self away from all this stuff going on.
i just wish that i could stop my thoughts, stop the horrible bile creeping up my throat when ever i think about things.
i wish that somewhere in the future i can hopefully find somefriends that i can trust, and that arent just two-sided.
and that one day i can finally stop having nitemares about you.
because god knows, they tear me to shreds.
they make me shake and feel that the emotional fortress ive worked on can colapse in a second, and the nitemare can come in.

it's such a difficult place. this limbo.
i want to stay and i want to go. im scared of home and im scared of being alone.
i want to forget everything just for one day.
i want my sad heart to feel safe.