on a quieter note..
i just want to say that today, this morning, has really made me realise that it's over and dusted.
ashes to ashes and all that shit.
and this semi-sudden realisation has made me happy in
that part of my heart for the first time since "it" started.
it's weird, i feel like "it's" no longer there,
like that relief feeling you get
when you dread going somewhere and then suddenly you dont have to anymore,
and your mind just lets go a little sigh.
i feel like those certain concrete-boots that appeared on my heart have gone.
the dread of potentially feeling worse for missing "it"
or feeling like complete fucking shit for hurting "you" again really has no power over me anymore
and i love to say it, because it really makes me happy, considering i wasnt sure
for so, so long that i was ever, ever, going to make it to the other side.
that at the end my heart and head would still be in tact (even if it's stuck back together badly).
im very quietly proud of myself (though not of my actions!) for pulling myself through.
i just really only hope that soon it'll happen for "you",
because it still stabs my heart like go-knows-crazy to know that "you're" sore
and aching and tired and over this too.
that "you're" heart still seems to have it's concrete-boots.