so, like ive decided that i just cant compete against all the other blogs i read with their "daily-outfit".
i just cant,
i wear all my clothes nearly all the time.
so i could only really do a "monthly-outfit".
and that kinda defeats the purpose right?

so, instead, im doing something like so way cooler.
im going to take a polaroid for everyday i have left in edinburgh.
yep, right till the very end in november.
woo hoo.
(ive got a few already, but because of break-ups i had to forfeit my beloved phone connecter cord to the compy. so when i can find a new one they'll be up faster than flash lightening!)

im so, like, excited right now.

some times i get all homesick for the stars.
up here, in the northern hempisphere, it seems like there's five.
at home there's no way you could count, there's just way too many of them.
ive always had really cool memories of getting out of the car at nite with my mum and dad and looking at the milky way. i always wanted to stay outside until i really couldnt look up any more.
the pictures dont really do it any justice,
but they were the best google could find me.


i washed my hair today, and i had it out while it was drying.
i think it's great when you see yourself everyday,
but when you change one thing or activity you realise somethings different.
like, i had really no idea how long my hair's got.
it's just past my shoulders.
but i'll never wear it out,
that would be too weird.


on other things;
it's super great but really not.
it wouldnt be worth it to ruin everything.
regrefully.

so much in the last 48 hours.
all im longing for is somekind of rest.
it'll be all over soon anyway.
why am i even bothering to worry?

so all i want to do today is pretend i live in a cloud world. all nice and soft and innocent. i should be happy today, today being my only day off this week, but im not. i feel all burdened and heavy and like im stuck in the mud. you know those hot days when you're irritated by what seems like nothing, but actually it's because just under the skin you're concerned and annoyed at the way the world seems to be. the way your life seems to be flowing. that has been my day so far, but i bought happiness-making make-up and it's all over my face in an attempt to make me lighter.

all i want to day, is to be as light as those clouds in the picture.

im too snotty to post.
sorry.

boxwars lastnite!! so sooo much fun.
even though there was way too much rum and sweaty punks.
but we all secretly love it.

running to this big, big white place feels far more important, more important than heading back to reality. and im wondering would it be such a bad idea? to just make a few-years detour away from my big red place? to try to put off what lies waiting for me? in this day and age, where people can do more of what they want to do (i guess in a way of self-preservation), why do i still feel like im not doing the "right thing" in this part of my life. not you know, getting my life all set up and shit.

honestly, my dont-give-a-fuck-mode is stronger than ever before. and for me, this is potentially the best thing i could ever do.

so my surrogate girlfriend comes home tonite, even though she's not aware of her new status.
there'll be no like hanky-panky or nothin, just lots of company for me!

ive decided it then.
vancouver it is.
sometime in 2009.
and im going to have the time of my life.
and im going to find cool people to play with
(not that ive met no cool people here...!)
and im going to find a lovely lady just for me.
and we're going to get married.
and have a lovely happy life.

im going to be so super-dooper-trooper happy.

most of my daydreams these days seem to be set in canada. it just keeps popping up and sending me secret messages telling me to go there.
(i think it's working). and so im now online looking at visas and the cities and flights in a year or so's time. i have a sneaky feeling that im getting all serious about it. look at the pictures, it's vancouver in winter! (i think all my snow dreams are going to come true!)

i think im going to explode for excitement!

ha ha. one of my bestestest boy-friends is hilarious.
getting into trouble with catholics by simply putting his name in their window.
made my day.

so im still no closer to a new tattoo...

i miss you.

so as i promised.. i actually made some start on some kind of thing close to maybe art... bot very good but at least i did something.

on the other hand, i googled my blog and! it came up with some of my post's! im finding it slightly creepy...
adn last nite was totally random. spent nearly 4 quid on one pint (hello posho hotel bar never to see me again) and then saw the ever-sexy har-mar-superstar. absolutely hot stuff he is. especially his sweaty man boobs. then boogied till dawn to walk into work hungover a few hours later.

and then my crush came in today.. they're not been in for like so long! and i lost my ability to hold my cool and went all weirdo. doh! but they're so canada-cool. i crush-love them.

i think im going to start blogs for all of the secretly important people. one's already started and ended right next door! ( http://no-longer-us.blogspot.com ) not sure how im going to keep them away from a certain few prying-internet-stalking-eyess (you so know who you are! even if one may be for you.)

we'll see..

art time today.
i promise.